The Old Man
The afternoon sun shines through the glass arc,
It warms the body and revives the soul,
It seeps through the very pores of my skin,
But it is not only I, who enjoys the heat,
There is another whose eyes are wide and bright,
He whose very presence gives warmth in itself,
The old man had always puzzled me,
Him, with his many tales full of wisdom and mirth,
He, whose smile never failed to lift me up,
We would talk for hours till the sun could barely be seen,
We would traverse the endless crevices of the universe,
Dreaming of things beyond our current state,
I loved the old man with whom I shared my secrets,
I opened up the very emotions that I had long kept hidden,
The old man had given my humanity back,
We were two souls bound by the hip,
One would not move if the other did not,
One would not live if the other was not by his side,
Then one day, the old man no longer came,
I was forced to drift alone without my beloved companion,
I was once again a ship without an anchor,
But I cannot live like this any longer,
I must seek refuge and find peace,
For I know this would have been the old man’s wish,
I now dream of the days that we spent together,
Days filled with life and love,
Days that would live on for all eternity,
In the end the only thing left to say is goodbye old man,
Or better yet till the next time we meet,
For I know we will share another fine afternoon sometime soon,
Crushed
My heart beating loudly,
My throat going dry from fear,
Sweat pouring down my grief stricken face.
Looking at her from a distance,
Admiring her radiance in the shadows,
Not knowing what the future holds for my love.
My day starts and ends with the grace of her beauty,
Breathing would not be possible if her scent is not with me,
Laughter would be pointless without her smiles.
Writing letters for someone who does not even know I exist,
Singing love songs to a shadow in the other side of the street,
Kissing the very earth that she treads upon.
Hoping and dreaming she would look my way,
Living a life in constant orbit around her,
I have become blind and deaf as the world tramples on me.
Then one day something different occurs in me,
I walk through the shadows and into the light,
But she is no longer there.
Not a whisper of her existence can be heard,
Not a single strand of her hair can be found,
Was she even there at all?
Did I make her up as I did my own existence?
Was she merely a figment of my imagination?
Or was she an echo of love that I hunger for.
A Mirror for Narcissus
Drowning in a pool of tears,
I find myself fighting for every breath,
Slowly slipping away to oblivion,
Death paddles with a silent disposition,
Ferrying me to an eternity in the underworld,
And yet I still cannot help but stare,
Stare into that, which has given me nothing but grief,
Stare into that, which has broken many a maiden,
I stare into my own bitter reflection,
Beauty that corrupts all that looks upon it,
Beauty that has cursed me with a life that has no love,
Absolute Vanity that burns every grain of my being,
I remember all that have look upon my splendor,
They stared with hollow eyes and empty passion,
Save for one, who looked at me and found love,
Loves sweet Echo was the last thing I heard,
Loves sweet Echo held me in her embrace,
Loves sweet Echo bid me farewell,
Nemesis was right; I am perfect
She lifted up the mirror and showed me the truth,
That loves sweet blossom isn’t enough,
For I have beauty that surpasses even the gods,
Beauty that needs no imperfect companion,
Beauty that is loves bitter ashes,
China Doll
The shadow creeps upon the walls of my haven,
I cover myself with a veil of tattered dreams,
I feel no fear for I am in your embrace,
I stare at your large still eyes and weep,
For I see my bitter reflection fade to black,
I am a haze in the pale moonlight,
The wind blows my shutters open,
Leaves flutter into my dark domicile,
The night wind enters and you’re my only source of warmth,
I rise from my catatonic state and I walk towards the mirror,
No reflection is seen for I have lost my soul,
I run towards the door but I find it impossible to reach,
I rush back to my bed to seek refuge in your arms,
But I find you have left my company for another,
I scream your name but still you do not return,
I shiver for the cold now grips every cell in my body,
The abyss grows with every moment and I am lost,
Drowning in a pool of tears and alcohol,
Good Guy or Bad Guy?
I have often pondered in my vacant hours the topic of good guys and bad guys. In our culture and the overall stereotypical point of view on the subject is that the good guy always wins in the end. To be perfectly honest I am greatly appalled by this statement due to the fact that I am and probably will always be a bad guy. In the brief span of my acting stint I have always landed the role of the mean, overbearing and downright nasty person. With each passing role I have grown accustomed to internalizing and applying various techniques in emphasizing the evil that is present in a role. It seems as though that this internalizing has managed to spill itself out of the pages of my script and into my daily life. This lies in the truth that the bad guy or the antagonist has no right to ever be happy. To tell you the truth, at the start I thought it was the biggest load of bullshit that I had ever heard. But in light of recent events I now see that it is possible that a bad guy will forever be alone. The warm fuzzy feeling that I got from the movie “Annie” has now expired and I have returned to my old bitter self. I once tried to love. In that brief instant I was willing to change my life, my personality and habits for the better. But in the end it exploded in my face and I got my feelings hurt. Some people may say that it was my fault and that I was insensitive. HOW THE HELL WAS I INSENTIVE?!!!!! It seems as though my storybook character has imprinted a permanent mark on my being that I will always be at fault. God! That sucks! I have been cast in the undying role of the patsy or the fall guy. I have done no crime but I was still judged accordingly. I am not pleading for innocence with this statement for I know that in some way I may have done something wrong. I have never hidden the fact that I am not a saint and that I am not the easiest guy to be around with. But all I ask from people is that they listen to both sides of the story before they judge me.
The Bacchanal
The opium fog clouds the minds eye,
Dimming the world to a shallow haze,
Dulling all senses and reason,
Satin couches surround the ball,
Catering to every abhorrent desire of the flesh,
Death and life in one cradle,
Fountains of wine flow freely,
Staining all that it touches,
Sweet nectar of sin consumes us all,
Wild ramblings of madmen fill the room,
Screams of pain and pleasure ensue,
Blind, deaf and dumb from the taboo,
Succubus and incubus prey on the weak,
Stealing their souls and virginity,
Leaving them hollow and dry,
No bliss left undone, no pleasure unexplored,
In this universe from the pages of Faust,
We have lost our purity to that we love the most,
Annie
I just finished watching “Annie” and it gave me this funny feeling that I’ve been living my life the wrong way. This sounds so corny but I feel like that I’ve been prioritizing the wrong things. I grew up thinking that money, power and ambition were the only things that I’ll ever really need. I now crave for something more than all the worthless possessions I covet. I want love. I know what you must be thinking right now. You’re thinking that Ben’s gone over the deep end and has totally lost his mind but in truth I want it more than all the riches in the world. I know I’m too young to be pondering such thoughts but I see myself as a forty something year old man that’s trapped in the body of a sixteen year old guy. Love is the one thing that could probably give my life some direction coz right now I’m just drifting around doing nothing.
Tears of forgotten sorrow
My eyes are dry for there are no tears to shed,
She is dead, buried and gone forever,
And yet she is a constant in the pools of my memory,
Never again will I feel her warm embrace,
Or her kisses upon my cheek,
For she is lost in a place I cannot reach,
I cannot fathom the endless waves of time,
Time that I would spend without her,
Time that is my prison till death claims me as well,
Her grave calls out to me,
Mocking me for inside it my beloved rests,
Tempting me to fling myself into it and die,
I seek solace in the bottom of a bottle,
With each swig I seem to see her beside me,
Whispering words that have no meaning,
Am I mad to feel nothing about anything besides her?
Am I mad for desiring nothing more than her presence?
For if this is true then I would be glad to be called a madman,
Come back to me, my beloved come back to me,
For if not I shall join you in eternal slumber,
The bonds of mortality can no longer hold me back,
I now stand on a precipice, of which I would surely fall and die,
I am unafraid for I know at the bottom you are there to catch me,
And we shall finally be together for all eternity,
Super Size Me
I just watched the film super size me and to tell you honestly it scared me. I can't believe that I'm actually eating that much garbage in the span of one week! Wow! As children were exposed to this idea that MacDonalds is our friend and we should enjoy his poison. I feel like I should eat a salad or go to the gym after watching that film. It was like watching "The Ring" and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" combined! I'm a big fan of Mickey D but after seeing the effects of his food to the human body I'm having serious doubts if I should ever eat at MacDonalds again.
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